Bring me the winner

Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.


I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

Well, bring me the winner then.

They are directly from America & my little dog can't read

8. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

9. Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.


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Which woman? & He is really somebody

6 Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband’s car to the shopping mall.

On my return， I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house， I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said， "Mom’s here?"




7 He is really somebody

My uncle has 1000 men under him.

He is really somebody. What does he do?

A maintenance man in a cemetery.


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One Engine Left

4.

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker， "Attention， passengers. We have lost one of our engines， but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately， we will arrive an hour late as a result."

Shortly thereafter， the passengers heard the captain’s voice again， "Guess what， folks. We just lost our third engine， but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point， one passenger became furious. "For Pete’s sake，" he shouted， "If we lose another engine， we’ll be up here all night!"

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the only ones for it

3. The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday， the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So， in a whisper， he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated"， the minister shouted at the top of his voiced， "All those who want to be with the devil， please rise."

Awaking with a start， the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit， "Well， sir，" he said， "I don’t know what we’re voting on， but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

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draw out all of his savings

2.A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation，" she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river， fishing. He loses his balance， falls in， and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion， knows that he can’t swim， and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked， "to draw out all of his savings?"

Would you like to meet her

1.When the young waitress in the café in Tom’s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered， for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over， she asked， "Are you single?"

"Why， yes，" Tom replied， smiling at her broadly.

"So is my mom，" she said. "Would you like to meet her?"


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